When the waves keep on coming

Life is just kind of hard right now.  We know that our foster daughter's time with us is wrapping up.  We've known for a long time.  And everyone is feeling the tension of trying to hold together, but also prepare to let go.  It's hard for us as adults to stick with her through this stretch of time.  But she's six.  SIX.  And we are working to prepare her to navigate a future filled with complete unknowns. 

Because of the uncertainty, we really make a big deal out of the special moments we have to look forward to.  One of those was her visit with her bio mom yesterday.  For an hour and a half, every other week, she gets to see the one person she wishes she could be with in the entire world.  Looking forward to the visit was the one thing that helped her power through an otherwise emotional morning.  "You get to see your mom today!" we kept telling her. 

Except, she didn't.  Due to an unexpected family situation, her mom wasn't able to make the visit.  It was understandable.  Her mom was not being flaky or irresponsible.  Her mom wanted to see her.  But it wasn't going to happen as planned. 

Our foster daughter's counselor had talked to her about grief one time using the illustration of waves in the ocean.  Sometimes the waves just keep coming.  And sometimes they're so strong that they knock you over.  And there's nothing we can do to stop them. 

Right now, the waves just keep coming for our poor kiddo.  And we can see that it's starting to wear on her.  She's starting to lose her spark. 

I can't stop the waves for her.  But I can stand with her and be an anchor for her.  It's still scary and overwhelming, but she's not facing the waves alone.  Soon, she will need to transition to a different anchor.  A more permanent one.  And in order to rely on that one, she'll have to loosen her grip on us.  If we have done our jobs well in preparing her for the transition, she'll know it's safe to let go of us. 

And hopefully then, her zest for life will return full force. 

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